


Someday (Five times Kara “saw” Lena, and the time she actually did)

by January Embers (MyHeartBurnsThereToo)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Drinking, F/F, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, season five? never heard of her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyHeartBurnsThereToo/pseuds/January%20Embers
Summary: Season 5 AU where instead of everything that happened, Lena dropped all contact with Kara and refused to see her. Kara, on the other hand, has been seeing Lena everywhere. Just, not the real one.Or: The 5 + 1 times Kara “saw” Lena after their fallout
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 11
Kudos: 250





	Someday (Five times Kara “saw” Lena, and the time she actually did)

**5.**

The first time Kara started to _truly_ understand her own feelings, she was dreaming.

It wasn’t the first time she had dreamt of them reconciling, of course. There had been plenty of those kinds of dreams, as well as nightmares too. She would show up on the balcony of L Corp, full of apologies and remorse, only to have Lena coldly refuse to hear a word she had to say. Which she deserved. Other times, they were in the living room of Lena’s apartment, sitting across from each other and talking. Actually talking and making tentative steps to try and rekindle their friendship. Which she did _not_ deserve.

So, no, this isn’t the first time that Kara had dreamed of Lena.

But it’s the first time any of her dreams had been quite like _this_.

They were kissing. Not quick, friendly pecks on the cheeks or barely present pecks like they might have done if they were dared to, but honest to Rao _kissing_. Making out. Bodies pressed together against what Kara thinks might be the door to her apartment, or maybe Lena’s penthouse or maybe it’s her office at L Corp but either way—they're kissing. And Kara has a sense, this deep (and getting increasingly deeper) feeling of guilt bubbling because she _knows_ that she’s dreaming. 

It’s a soft tug at the forefront of her mind, a gentle nudge, a quiet voice whispering about how wrong this is. Which she knows, of course she does, but the rest of her mind is a little preoccupied with how good it felt to be in Lena’s arms like this, pressed against her with their lips moving in sync and, okay—Lena was gorgeous. Kara knew this. But up until this moment, it had just been another fact. Lena liked her coffee black with one sugar and a splash of cream. Lena also loved to drink tea. Lena was easily the most brilliant person that Kara knew, and the most resilient too. Lena was courageous. Lena was beautiful. 

_Dream_ Lena was also doing her level best to mold their bodies together.

“Lena,” Kara gasped, tilting her head away from the addicting pull of Lena’s lips. They were both breathing ragged and if Kara somehow managed to actually fix things between the two of them, she was going to have an _exceptionally_ hard time meeting Lena’s eyes after this. “We should—this isn’t _real_.” There was a moment, a single excruciating moment, where nothing existed beyond the warm wash of Lena’s breath against the exposed skin of her collarbone. And then, the warmth was replaced by a very deliberate kiss, followed by a quick swipe of a tongue and—okay. That was _enough_. “Lena, stop. We can’t—”

“Can’t we?” Dream Lena mumbled, pulling back just enough to look Kara in the eyes. There was a questioning look in them, as well as that same cool detachment that Kara had come to absolutely hate. Dream Lena looked at her the same way real Lena looked at her now—aloof and disinterested, like they weren’t ever close. Like they didn’t _mean_ something to each other. And that look, that blank and unaffected stare, is what made her mind clear.

“After all,” Dream Lena continued, regarding Kara with a piercing sort of gaze that made her want to curl into herself. “Nothing about our relationship thus far has been real. Why start now?” And before Kara even has the chance to argue _that_ particular statement—dream or not, Kara couldn’t allow Lena to think that—she bolted awake.

Breathing hard, lips still tingling from phantom kisses that never happened, stomach twisted impossibly tight with guilt and sadness and—

Sirens screamed out again and Kara tripped over her own feet as she attempted to untangle herself from the sheets, speeding into her suit and out the window in a matter of seconds.

Her tears stung her cheeks as she flew.

**4.**

It’s on nights like this, Kara thought, that she's grateful J’onn is a shapeshifter.

After her third shot of Aldebaran rum, the world had gone soft around the edges. Sounds were muted and trickled in slowly through the fog of her mind. The never-ending guilt was at a low simmer somewhere deep in the recess of her consciousness. Her TV was still playing some show or another—something fantasy, maybe, judging by the swirling lights and vibrant hues of color that painted the screen.

Kara didn’t know. It had been muted hours ago. 

The world was quiet, her apartment even more so, and it would have been a perfect evening for reflection and perhaps some soul searching if Lena weren’t sitting across from her.

And there were many tells that this Lena wasn’t _her_ Lena. First and foremost, after another failed attempt at getting through to her Lena, Kara had called J’onn for a night off and grabbed the strongest bottle of alien alcohol she had on hand. The rejection had been made worse, always bad but worse now, because of a dream ( _soft, smooth skin under her wandering hands, the slightest nibble on bruised lips—_ ) a _dream_ last week that basically confirmed something Kara had long ago suspected. Something too scary to name yet. So, the probability of Lena sitting next to her right now, looking warm and cozy and gazing at her with unadulterated fondness? Not likely.

Which brought Kara to her second point. Since their fight, she had seen Lena a few times, always entirely put together. She wore her suits like armor and used her make up and tight, severe hairstyles as weapons. _Its all a chess match,_ Lena had told her once. She had been soft then, dressed in comfortable borrowed pajamas and half asleep on Kara’s shoulder, tipsy on cheap wine and the late hour. _A reminder to myself. They see me as a child. I make sure to dress like a woman, someone to be respected. It helps._ In retrospect, it made sense. But the first time Kara had seen Lena after the fallout, dressed up in her armor (dark clothes, dark make up, severe bun) was around the same time she realized that she might’ve permanently lost the privilege of seeing soft Lena, the _real_ Lena.

That had led to a spiral of its own.

But _this_ Lena, she wasn’t real. Kara knew that.

She wasn’t real, but she was looking at Kara with something other than hatred and distain. There was a palpable warmth in her green eyes, a selfless sort of adoration that made Kara’s vision blur with tears as her heart ached. In the privacy of her own mind, at least, she could admit that it was how Lena had always looked at her. Like she was a miracle, just by virtue of existing. Like Kara Danvers was something— _someone_ —worth marveling at.

“I really miss you.” Her voice was choppy and slurred the slightest bit, from either the drinks or the tears. “And I think I love you.” Dream Lena didn’t respond, but her smile did get a touch wider. A bit brighter. Bright enough even that Kara felt strong enough to close her eyes, content at the thought of that smile following her into her dreams.

**3.**

Barry Allen was a good man.

This wasn’t new information, of course, but when Kara genuinely felt like she couldn’t take it anymore and randomly showed up at his door, eyes red and sniffling… She's not exactly sure what proper etiquette is when your friend from _another Earth_ shows up out of the blue, not because there’s a big crisis but because she's miserable about losing her best friend—but Barry didn’t even blink. He ushered her inside, made sure she was settled comfortably on his couch and disappeared, reappearing again in a matter of seconds with a mug of hot chocolate. 

The gesture made her nose twitch once, a warning, and then Kara broke.

Their story came pouring out of her through a torrent of tears and whimpers, her voice creaking and broken and thick under the deluge of it all. Barry kept his arm over her shoulder, murmured words of comfort when she trailed off into little hiccupping sobs and kept a steady pressure against her back. Kara wasn’t entirely sure when Iris had joined them, but she was a welcome presence none the less. Sandwiched between the two of them, the tears stopped eventually, embarrassment rising in its wake. Rao, had she _really_ just hopped Earths and dump all of that anguish onto an unsuspecting Barry because she was sad?

“I'm really,” Kara shook her head once and cleared her throat, wincing at the gravely sound of it. A side effect from all the crying, she supposed. “I'm sorry, that was really inconsiderate of me. I shouldn’t have just—”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Barry immediately protested. His spine straightened and his eyes were deep and concerned, the worried glint entirely too noticeable. “While I will say it was a surprise to see you and that this wasn’t _exactly_ what I had planned for my evening… you're my friend Kara. We’re friends. I know the whole living on different Earths thing makes that a little complicated, but I'm still here for you. And I always will be.”

Iris punctuated his words with a warm squeeze to Kara’s shoulder and a gentle nudge. Without further prompting, Kara let her head fall gently onto the other woman’s shoulder and closed her eyes against the tears she could feel stinging her eyes again. “It hurts so bad.” The words were partially muffled, and entirely pathetic. However, after spending the better part of two hours crying all over the two of them… Kara figured her dignity was already forfeited at that point.

But Iris didn’t do anything other than hum gently and squeeze her just a bit closer, her hand starting a gentle movement up and down Kara’s back. “Of course it does. You love her.”

Kara nodded against her neck, releasing a shaky breath. “I do. She's my best friend.”

The soothing strokes stumbled, faltering slightly, and Kara glanced up just in time to see the tail end of a significant look between Barry and Iris. It hit her all at once, every trapped feeling and bottled up emotion. The storm that had been brewing for _years_ , locked tightly away under smiles and lunch dates and movie nights and— “ _Oh_.” It sounded less like a word, choked out the way it was, but the strokes turn back into an arm around her shoulder, squeezing even tighter. When the crying started up again, Barry hugged against her other side, creating a warm cocoon of love and support as Kara cried for what she had, what she _could_ have had and what she had done all at once.

Through her tears, she could just barely make out Lena’s silhouette in the oversized armchair across from them, smiling and beautiful and unreachable as ever.

**2.**

It was her breathing that made this hard. Kara could hear the way Alex was meticulously choosing her words, every inch the calm and collected agent, even over the phone. But every once in a while, Kara could hear the catch in her breath, the emotion bubbling up in her voice before she caught it. The sound made the ever-present knot of guilt tighten just a bit in her stomach.

“I'm not trying to make you feel bad Kara, I'm really not. I know that you are entitled to some time away, especially after everything that happened with L—after everything.” Kara could hear the sharp exhale at her near slip, could all but _see_ Alex pacing back and forth, one hand clutching tight to her phone and her other running impatiently through her hair. She had wanted to be here for this conversation, but Kara wanted some space. Dream Lena was perched on the sofa, regal and gorgeous. But she wasn’t smiling, not this time. Her eyebrows were pinched gently in a worried expression, red lips curved just slightly downward. 

“—and I know that. I do. But I'm your sister, Kara. You don’t need to go to another Earth just to find someone to talk to. I-I can do that for you! I can _be there_ for you, but you have let me! You can’t just text me at eight o’clock and tell me you're—”

“Alex,” Kara interrupted, putting her nearly full glass down. The alcohol sloshed dangerously close to the lip of the cup before rocking back down and settling. Kara closed her eyes. “It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t about not telling you; it was about going. I needed to _go_ , just for a bit, and then everything just kind of caught up to me when I got there.” And that was the worst part. She hadn’t even meant to completely break down once she got to Barry’s. It was meant to be a temporary escape, from a mess she created—yes, but an escape, nonetheless. Then Barry had opened the door with a pinched brow and that plan had been immediately shot.

“I know that Kar, I do. I'm just—we’re worried about you. You’ve been a bit distant and the drinking…” Kara’s eyes open again at that, the little quiver of a sob in Alex’s voice. The worry so clearly present, so painfully evident. She wasn’t even drinking that much, was the thing. But it was too much all the same, because of _why_ she was drinking. The woman she loved hated her, had made her distain abundantly clear in a multitude of ways but Dream Lena looked at her with warmth and it wasn’t real, but it _felt_ real.

“This isn’t healthy.”

Kara’s head snapped up at the sound of her voice, vision blurring with tears. Dream Lena had never spoken before, just smiled and grinned with all the love and warmth in the world. She was always dressed in soft clothing, raven hair loose, wild and free. Green eyes bright and positively radiating with love and happiness. And smiling. Always _always_ smiling. 

She wasn’t smiling now; her worry palpable, and Alex was right. This wasn’t her.

“—if I made you feel that way, because you're so much more than what you can do. Okay? You're smart and brave and funny and talented and a really great person, but you can’t shut down anymore. You have to be better. I'm not trying to… I just miss my sister.” Kara took a deep breath, one that burned its way into her lungs and felt like sandpaper, and then exhaled slowly. Her chest still smoldered, still ached, but they were right.

_This isn’t healthy._

_You have to be better._

Another deep breath. She had to be better, be _healthier_. She was Supergirl, for crying out loud! And everything that was happening was consequences of her own inactions, she didn’t just get to shut down. Not when the city still needed her. Not when her sister needed her.

Dream Lena was smiling again, gently this time. Knowingly. “I know,” Kara promised the both of them, “I’ll be better.”

**1.**

The alien had come out of nowhere, in the middle of a rather uneventful Tuesday and Kara had taken to the skies without another thought. It was her job after all, protecting National City and all of its citizens. And if she flew a little faster than usual, well—it was a big alien. It certainly had nothing to do with the fact that their path of destruction had been getting progressively closer to L Corp, to _Lena_.

Nothing at all.

So, she had done it, and now they were in a desert outside of the city. Miles and miles away from any unsuspecting, fragile humans. Kara found herself grateful for that, at least. “Why are you doing this? What do you want?” 

Her question seemed to give the alien a brief pause, all three of their eyes blinking at once. “The people of Earth have no respect for their planet. They don’t care for it. Don’t dedicate nearly enough resources to ensure its wellbeing. They don’t deserve this magnificent jewel—this _paradise._ Someone has to show them what they have to lose,” the alien shrugged, or Kara thought it did. They looked vaguely humanoid, just with an extra eye and stark white, gleaming skin. Their voice was melodic, musical almost. It somehow made the words they were saying all the more horrifying. “I suppose it’s up to me to do that.”

“Not like this,” Kara protested immediately, taking an instinctive step forward. Despite the massive property damage the alien had done, no one had gotten hurt. Maybe this didn’t have to end in a fight. “There are ways to help protect the Earth without threatening its inhabitants. You could—you—do you have a name?”

The alien blinked again, this time slower. “I do. I am Ux’iel.” The way they pronounced their own name was slow, carefully articulate but slow. Like they hadn’t been asked the question in a long time. The thought makes Kara’s heart twinge a bit in her chest, something like sympathy beginning to surface.

Kara nodded, giving the now hesitant alien a sincere smile. “Hello Ux’iel. I don’t blame you, for wanting to protect the Earth. I understand. But frightening the humans won’t make them any more inclined to heed your advice. In fact, it might make them disregard anything you have to say altogether.”

Ux’iel, though, didn’t seem swayed, or even slightly contemplative. In fact, their eyes hardened with resolve and Kara felt her spine stiffen in instinct. In preparation. “I am under no impression that the people of Earth will ever care to hear my opinions, Lady Zor-El. I am well aware of the way most aliens are treated here, the level of attention our thoughts and wants are afforded. I wasn’t planning on giving them much of a choice.”

It was Kara’s turn to blink in surprise. “You know who I am?”

Ux’iel nodded, their eyes going distant. “I am from Xagawa, we regularly had dealings with Krypton. You though, you were just a child the last time we saw each other. So young, standing beside your father as he and my uncle discussed the latest developments in interplanetary travels, ways to make it faster. More efficient. So young but so smart. Eager to absorb every bit of information you could, to be seen in your own light as your own person.” The faraway look Ux’iel faded away as their eyes met and the alien seemed hopeful, almost eager. “Together Lady Zor-El, we might just save this planet. Krypton was lost under the weight of its own hubris, Xagawa to the ravishes of war. Earth has the potential to be destroyed by both. But you and I, we have lived through it. We know how to survive, how to _change._ ”

“I won’t let you harm the people of Earth, Ux’iel. No matter why you say you're doing it.”

The alien’s eyes finished hardening, and any trace of hope or eagerness gone as it stood up straighter. “Then there is nothing left for us to discuss.”

And then three beams of scalding heat hit her straight in the chest.

Kara flew backwards and landed hard in the sand, blinking up at the blue sky in shock for a moment before she registered Alex screaming in her comms. The sound of it, rather than whatever her sister was actually saying, is what made Kara stand up and charge towards Ux’iel with a sense of purpose. This time when the beams of heat flew towards her, she managed to dodge and they scorched the sand instead, leaving behind a jagged line of glass, spiderwebbed along the ground.

She hardly had a moment to reorient herself before the beams shot at her again and Kara used her own heat vision to hold two of them off, the third striking her in the chest again before she dove left and charged.

Ux’iel sneered, lips curling up in an expression of anger before turning away.

One second Kara was speeding towards the alien and the next said alien was bolting away, leaving a trail of sand flying in their wake. Kara gave chase, cape snapping in the wind behind her as she rose steadily higher, trying to get a clear vantage point. They sped around for long enough that Kara was just starting to feel the strain of it before her vision burst with vibrant, _violent_ colors as pain exploded in her mind, like she had suddenly plowed head first into a solid structure. The colors faded quickly into a sticky, inky black spots as she fell from the sky. Through her flickering sight she could see Ux’iel on the ground across from her, holding its head and laying still but more importantly— _most_ importantly—she could see Lena.

Sitting right next to her, green eyes soft and happy and so _lovely._ Wow, Kara really, really loved her. “Hey there, hi— _hello_.” Her voice sounded thick, choked and muffled. Kara thought it might have been because of whatever bitter liquid was filling her throat. She tried to spit it out but ended up coughing instead, a myriad of colors exploding behind her eyes from the force of it.

Dream Lena’s smile got wider, warmer. Kara smiled too. “You’re so—” another cough cut her off, this one wet and wheezy sounding. Alex’s voice in her comms was hoarse from screaming. “You’re so beautiful, Lena. I've always thought so. Always.”

Somewhere, far away, Kara could hear what sounded like a helicopter. The steady _thwump thwump_ of its blades unmistakable, even if she doesn’t quite understand why it was necessary _._ She hoped everyone was okay because she didn’t really feel like she could fly right now. Dream Lena swam back into focus and Kara felt her smile get wider. “I'm so—sorry, y’know? So sorry, Lena. You’re so beautiful. I love you.”

Kara’s eyes slipped closed right as the ground started to shake but it was okay. It was okay because Lena’s smile followed her into her dreams and Kara wasn’t sure why everyone thought their vision went black when they passed out. That wasn’t true, not true _at all_. Unconsciousness wasn’t a deep black, not a cold void like people thought. It wasn’t a terrible feeling of helplessness, of defeat.

Unconsciousness was _warm._ It was warm and bright and absolutely the most beautiful shade of green she’d ever seen.

Kara smiled. 

//

Time passed in a blur.

There were sounds and people but the details of them slipped like water through her fingers and Kara’s head hurt far too badly to try and make sense of it. She was warm but weak, whole but aching. Everything hurt and the green had been replaced with a vicious red and she could feel herself squirming away from probing touches that cause her already burning skin to _sear_ and—

_Kara, stay still. Stop moving, they're trying to help._

That voice. She knew that voice. But the last time she had the privilege of hearing it was months ago and it was so angry. It didn’t sound angry right now, it sounded _scared._ The second she clocked the fear in _that_ voice, something deep inside of her responded and she went to sit up, to fix it, managing to raise herself about a foot before the pain in her ribs made her closed eyes water and soft, gentle hands carefully pressed her back down as every nerve ending sparked in agony.

_Stay down, don’t move. Please stay still. Can you do that for me, darling?_

She nodded, or she tried to. Opening her mouth would result in a scream, Kara was sure of that, so she didn’t try to speak. The probing hands stayed on her but so do _those_ hands, stroking through her hair and wiping away the tears on her cheeks, murmuring soft words of comfort occasionally. It made it bearable, made it okay, and as soon as the wave of agony subsided Kara murmured something in stuttering Kryptonese that made a pair of the probing hands falter for half a second before they resumed. 

Kara passed out with the words on her tongue.

**\+ 1.**

When Kara’s eyes fluttered open for the first time, she was met with an unexpected sight.

Dream Lena was perched carefully in the chair next to her bed, staring with unfocused eyes at the wall, a slight frown pulling at her brows. And strangely, she was dressed in a silk maroon shirt and black slacks, her hair in a loose, curly ponytail. Kara wanted to run her fingers through those strands and the thought made her giggle.

The sound of her laughter made Dream Lena startle and Kara beamed at her, words swimming around in her head. Thoughts and feelings that she wants to voice, to let _out_ , and she absolutely would but there was something she needed to say first. “Thank you so much.” Her voice was a little gravely and a lot breathy, but her words were intelligible, so Kara counted it as a win.

“Kara! You're awake—” Dream Lena faltered, eyebrows drawing down even lower as she approached the bed with unsure, cautious steps. Her heels clicked loudly against the tile floor and Kara found the sound oddly soothing. “Why are you thanking me?”

Kara beamed even brighter because this was only the second time that Dream Lena had ever talked to her. It was so nice to hear Lena’s voice, even if it wasn’t real. Real Lena would never be here, wouldn’t care enough to give Kara more than a passing thought, much less a visit. But those kind of thoughts made the happy, floaty feeling start to fade so Kara promptly stopped thinking them. “For being there with me, after Ux’iel?”

“The alien in holding?” Dream Lena asked in bewilderment and Kara laughed again, bordering on the edge of hysteria. Dream Lena was just as funny as real Lena. Maybe, if Kara asked really nicely and promised to never drink again, Dream Lena would stay for a bit longer this time. Not forever, just for a bit longer. They could have lunch! Kara wondered absently if she’d ever had pot stickers before. Real Lena hadn’t before Kara had introduced her to them, which was nothing short of a tragedy in her opi—“Kara?”

Oh right. Dream Lena had asked a question. “Sorry, Dream Lena. After I fell. You smiled at me and stayed with me. Do you remember now?”

Dream Lena, if anything, looked even more confused. “ _Dream_ Lena?”

“Mhm,” Kara hummed softly, pausing to run her hands down the fabric of the DEO training clothes she somehow had on. Funny. She didn’t _remember_ changing out of her suit. Maybe memory loss was contagious? Kara blinked, and then laughed. Or maybe Alex. Probably Alex. “I couldn’t very well call you _Lena,_ you know? That’s not—that wouldn’t be right. Not fair to the real Lena.”

There was a long stretch of silence, one that Kara didn’t particularly mind. Her head was starting to throb again, though the sense was a bit muted because of the floaty feeling. As long as Dream Lena didn’t leave, Kara was okay. “Okay,” Dream Lena said finally, exhaling very slowly. “Okay. You're on some pretty strong pain medicine right now and you don’t have your powers so—”

“That wasn’t my choice!” Kara blurted immediately, sitting up so quickly that her stomach managed to twinge with pain but that didn’t matter. Dream Lena startled as she looked at Kara in surprise, her eyes wide at the sudden outburst. Kara felt her own eyes sting with tears. “It wasn’t like the alcohol Lena, I _promise_ , please don’t be upset with me. Please don’t leave.”

“ _What_ are you—”

“I know that the drinking wasn’t healthy,” Kara interrupted frantically. She didn’t mean to but if she didn’t explain herself appropriately then Dream Lena would be mad at her like real Lena was and then she’d leave, and Kara _could not_ let that happen. Not again. “I promise I stopped drinking. I haven’t since the night you visited! Which was—not great, if I'm being honest. But you were right when you said it wasn’t healthy and I'm sorry they gave medicine that made me see you again but also, I'm not sorry because I miss you _,_ the _real_ you and—”

“Kara, stop,” Dream Lena instructed gently, and Kara obeyed immediately, if more than a bit reluctantly. Her body had started to shake from fear and adrenaline, and Kara frowned as the shivers made her teeth start chattering. Goosebumps raced along the skin of her arms and legs, down to her stomach and legs.

“I’m cold,” Kara murmured in realization, trying to wrap her arms around her legs and wincing when it pulled on the tubes connected to her arms.

Dream Lena walked out of sight and Kara wanted to protest but she couldn’t stop shaking long enough to voice it. She was only gone for a few moments, but it felt like ages and Kara teared up when she saw her walking back, arms laden with thick blankets. “I stole these from the bunks in the sleeping quarters,” Dream Lena explained, gently tucking the covers over Kara’s shivering form. Her touch was warm, so warm, like the real Lena and Kara wondered if she should be worried that she was apparently losing touch with reality.

It didn’t matter, not right now. Dream Lena was here, and she was smiling softly, not quite as soft as she normally was but she _had_ talked a lot and also tucked Kara in, so the blonde figured it was a fair trade. More than fair, honestly. The only thing that would make it any better was if—“Stay, please?” Kara blinked suddenly heavy eyes, looking up at Dream Lena imploringly. “Please? I know you can’t stay forever but you're the closest thing I have to _her_ and its not healthy, not right, I know that but…”

“Sleep Kara,” Dream Lena instructed, making it impossible to disobey when pale fingers ran carefully through her hair. Still though, Kara did her best to stay awake, blinking up at Dream Lena stubbornly until a quiet voice started humming something that sounded vaguely like a lullaby, and Kara lost the battle as she slipped back into unconsciousness.

//

Dream Lena was, unsurprisingly, gone when Kara opened her eyes. She didn’t have time to dwell though, not when Alex was sitting in the chair next to her instead. There were bags under her bloodshot eyes, a clear exhaustion in the glaze that covered them. Her entire frame was weighted with it, and Kara felt her throat close up at the sight.

“Alex,” Kara croaked out, unsure what she wanted to say next. Not when there was _so much_ she needed to say.

Alex, apparently, didn’t have the same problem. “Kara!” Her sister was up out of the chair and had her arms around Kara in less than a second, her hug tellingly careful. No powers, then. “How are you feeling? Do you remember what happened?”

Kara thought carefully, frowning in concentration. Disregarding everything that happened with Dream Lena, she roughly pieced together what happened with Ux’iel and their fight, the chopper she now knew had been for her. Alex screaming in her comms. Alex _crying_ in her comms. Kara swallowed thickly. “Mostly, I think. Yesterday is kind of a blur but I think you gave me pain medicine—” after Alex nodded in confirmation, Kara gave a little nod of her own, “Right, and the fight? I'm not sure how it—why I fell.”

“Ux’iel is Xagawain, their abilities have to do with the mind.”

“Like J’onn?” Kara asked, concerned.

Alex made a so-so gesture with her hand, “More or less. More like they can put mental blocks on people. Think puppet master.”

“That’s… horrifying,” Kara said slowly, “Is that what they did to me?”

“More or less,” Alex repeated, before blowing out a deep breath and looking like she was relaxing for the first time in days. Kara swallowed again, feeling the guilt rise. “Our guess is that Ux’iel didn’t know that Kryptonians are immune to most forms of mind tricks, so when they tried to control you—it knocked them out too. If you hadn’t already been tired, it probably wouldn’t have hurt you as bad. And then the fall…”

“Yeah,” Kara acknowledged with a whisper, feeling the ache in her bones. The pain in her chest. “I'm sorry, Alex.” Sometimes, it seemed all her sister did was worry about Supergirl. About _Kara_.

“Don’t apologize,” Alex protested immediately, a wry grin curling at her lips. It was a smile that spoke of shared late nights and worries, of more life and death scenarios than either of them ever expected. A smile that promised infinite forgiveness and a forever home, a place to always land safely. Freely. “It’s who you are, Kara. You save people, no matter the cost. Just… promise to come back. I can deal with the close calls, the near misses, as long as you promise me you will always come back to us. To me.”

It was a promise they both knew she couldn’t make, but Alex’s eyes begged her to go with it, to promise her anyway, so Kara did. “I promise.”

Whatever tension lingered in Alex’s shoulders left with those two words and she slumped forward, resting her chin in the palm of her hand and looking at Kara with carefully scrutinizing eyes. It was a calculating look that had never managed to bode well for her and as usual, Alex did not disappoint. “So… Lena, huh?”

Kara immediately sputtered, voicing a half-baked denial to a question Alex hadn’t even properly _asked._ “What about—I don’t even know—it’s been so long, Alex. Why would you even say that?”

Alex hummed an exaggerated note, giving her ear a significant tap, looking at Kara expectantly. It took longer than Kara was willing to admit, but the penny finally dropped, along with her flimsy excuses. Alex, in a rare show of mercy, let the matter drop when she noticed Kara’s look of defeat. “We’re _definitely_ going to talk about that later. And while I won’t pretend to understand, I will say you managed to do a full one-eighty when your specially requested visitor arrived.”

_Stay down, don’t move. Please stay still. Can you do that for me, darling?_

Kara blinked the hazy memory away, feeling her heartbeat speed up in her chest. “Specially requested visitor?” Her voice was hoarse, strangled almost, and Alex nodded distractedly, looking over the charts next to Kara’s bed with an expertly trained eye.

“Mhm. For someone who was so adamant that she never wanted to see any of us again, Lena managed to get here rather quickly when she heard you were hurt and needed to see her. She—”

The rest of Alex’s words were tuned out as Kara’s mind raced frantically, once again piecing together the puzzle that had been the last few days but instead of Dream Lena it had been _real Lena_ and she had said—

“Khap zhao rrip,” Kara murmured, feeling her chest seize in fear. The monitor next to them picked up its rhythmic beeping as her heart raced and Alex blinked, looking confused for a few erratic beats before understanding dawned.

“She didn’t understand. You said it in Kryptonese.”

Kara exhaled shakily, the cloying feeling of absolute panic still lingering, sharp and sickening on her tongue. “Are you sure?” Because if Kara had admitted her less than platonic feelings for her estranged best friend while nearly unconscious and all but unintelligible, there was no way she would be able to face Lena again. Never mind the fact that Kara still didn’t know why she had been here in the first place.

To her sisters’ credit, she didn’t immediately rush to reassure Kara. Alex hummed thoughtfully, a slight crease appearing between her brows as she considered the question carefully. Beside them, the monitor picked up its already rapid beeping even more, and Kara was ten seconds from unplugging it altogether. “I’m pretty sure,” Alex said finally, and Kara exhaled so deeply that she felt a little lightheaded with it. “If she did understand, then she had exactly no reaction to it which is unlikely. Things were… tense. She probably didn’t notice. Did she say anything to you?”

“No,” Kara pushed herself on slightly trembling arms, running her fingers gently over the little pinprick left from the IV she had in her arm. Gone now, with nothing like to show for its’ presence but the little spot. It was strange to think about something so common to most humans around her being completely foreign to her. “No, but I was unconscious, remember?”

Alex huffed out a sound almost like a laugh, but far breathier. Tired. “As if I could forget. But I meant while she was in here with you when I went to interrogate Ux’iel.”

_I couldn’t very well call you Lena, you know? That’s not—that wouldn’t be right. Not fair to the real Lena._

“Oh no,” Kara whispered, the brief feeling of calm she’d gotten from Alex’s reassurance well and truly gone as memories surfaced, one after the other in terrible, rapid succession. “Oh _no_. Oh Rao.”

The monitor picked up its pace again, but Kara was far too distracted to even be bothered by the sound. Everything she had said to Lena—from admitting to drinking so she could see an imaginary version of her to actually calling her _Dream Lena—_ circled around in her mind and Kara clenched her fists, fighting the urge to cry. She had messed up.

In her half-awake state, she had messed things up with Lena even more, something she genuinely hadn’t thought possible, and there was no way for her to fix it.

“Kara, what—”

“I messed up, Alex,” Kara groaned. The tears she had attempted to hold back slid down her cheeks in paths of liquid fire but she payed them no mind. “I said—I _thought_ —I saw her. Sometimes.” There was a pause and Kara glanced over to look at Alex, seeing the pure confusion on her sisters’ face. She didn’t understand. How could she? Kara hadn’t actually said anything. “When I drank a little too much or cried a little too hard. Hitting my head apparently works too. But I… sometimes I see Lena. A fake Lena, that is. Dream Lena.”

The blankets that had been tucked around Kara got bunched up as she twisted the fabric tightly in between her fingers, afraid to look up at Alex’s face. Afraid to see the disappointment in her eyes. It took a few more seconds, long, agonizing seconds, but Alex finally spoke. “Kara…”

That did it.

There was no stopping her tears now and Kara let herself fall into Alex’s open arms, hardly feeling the pain in her limbs as she squeezed the other woman as tightly as she could, hiccupping with sobs. She was sore and sad and hurting, both physically and emotionally. The past twenty-four hours had stretched into weeks’ worth of time and Kara was _tired._ “Alex, can I go home? Please? I want to sleep in my own bed and I'm—I just want to go home. I promise I’ll take it easy. You can come with me if you want.”

“I still have things I have to finish up here,” Alex said gently. “If you could just wait a few—”

“Alex, _please_ —”

“I know,” Alex stressed, looking regretful but determined. Kara felt her shoulders slump in defeat. “I know, Kar. But I don’t want you home alone right now, not even for a couple hours.”

Kara sighed, snuggling in closer even as she attempted to rally. “Okay, but what if—”

Across the room, a throat cleared softly. Alex turned to acknowledge the other person’s presence. Kara squeezed her eyes shut and froze, the now all too familiar feeling of dread sliding up her spine. “I’m sorry for interrupting, but I overheard your situation and thought I might be able to help,” the voice was saccharine sweet, heavy and thick like honey. Dark and electric, crackling like lightning. Kara took a deep breath, forcing her body to move and her eyes to open. Green eyes held her own wavering gaze as a storm gathered between them.

Lena cleared her throat. “What I mean to say is, I’ll stay with her.”

**+2. (bonus)**

Kara hadn’t expected the silence. Accusations? Sure. Screaming? Absolutely. She had expected chaos in its purest form, the release of the storm she had felt build in the air between them at the DEO. But there was none of it. No screaming, no accusations. No tears. Just silence.

After another ten minutes of Lena staring impassively at the dark screen of her television, spine stiff and lips pressed tightly together, Kara cleared her throat softly, unsure. “I just wanted to say—well, I have a lot to say honestly, especially to you, but I mean this time… thank you, Lena. For staying with me. I know it’s not—it can’t be what you want to be doing so thank you.”

Lena blinked, and then abruptly turned to face Kara. “I have questions.”

“S-Sure. Yeah, totally.” Kara nodded so fast her glasses slipped from her face and her head spun when she bent to retrieve them. The few seconds she bought herself slipping the frames back on were spent trying to control the shaking in her hands. “You can ask me anything, Lena. Literally anything. I promise I’ll answer.”

There was a soft huff of dark laughter, and then Lena smiled grimly at her with clenched teeth and blank eyes. Kara flinched, holding the pillow on her lap tighter against herself. “You’ll have to forgive me for not believing that, given the last four years of our association.”

 _Association._ Like they hadn’t been anything more than business partners. It was Lena’s defenses, Kara knew, her way of excluding herself from the equation. A way to stay objective, to stay safe. To make sure she didn’t get herself hurt. The word still left a bitter taste in her mouth. “Lena…”

“Regardless,” Lena continued, forging ahead as if Kara hadn’t spoken at all. “I have questions. For weeks now, I've had questions. And after these last few days…” Green eyes examined her closely, scrutinizing, and Kara fought the urge to turn away. Never in her life had she felt so exposed, so _vulnerable._ Maybe that was the point. “I have more questions than ever. So, I’m going to ask my questions and you're going to answer them with nothing less than total transparency and if I so much as suspect that you're lying to me or withholding the slightest bit of information, I'm gone. I mean it, Kara. I'm gone, and you won’t ever see me again.” 

Just the thought made her feel sick, nausea and heartbreak bubbling up in her stomach. _Broken_. Superhero or not, Kara knew the threat wasn’t empty. If Lena wanted to disappear, then there would be nothing Kara could do to stop her from doing it. And the thought of never seeing her again… Kara couldn’t even fathom it. There was no way she’d survive. “I’ll be honest. I promise.”

Another long moment of silence, and Kara forced herself to stop fidgeting, forced herself to meet cool jade eyes. Lena sized her up, making no attempt to hide her scrutiny. Finally, whatever she saw in Kara’s eyes made her gaze soften imperceptibly. “Why?”

Kara blinked. “Why would I be honest? Why am I—”

“No,” Lena cut in sharply, some of the barely visible anguish in her eyes bleeding into her tone. “Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t you trust me? What more could I have possibly done to make you trust me?”

“It wasn’t you, Lena.” Kara swore, trying to scoot closer until Lena flinched away. The motion made Kara wince, made her broken heart quiver in her chest because Lena had never flinched away from her before. Not even in the earliest days of their friendship. “It wasn’t… I was selfish. So selfish, Lena. You were the only person I had that was just there for me and not Supergirl. The one person that Kara Danvers got to have for herself. And I know, I _know_ that I should have told you sooner but I just… I didn’t want to lose you. I knew I would and the thought…” Tears burned in her eyes and Kara blinked them away impatiently, gazing at Lena’s still form imploringly. “It doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you, I know that Lena. I do, but I never meant to. Please, please know that at least.”

Lena pressed her lips together before exhaling slowly, unclenching her jaw. “A week ago, I wouldn’t have believed a word out of your mouth.” Her tone was even, an almost whimsical note lacing it. But there was a darkness, a palpable rawness in it that Kara was beginning to realize was hurt, not anger. The distinction didn’t make Kara feel any better.

“But?” Kara hedged quietly, squeezing her pillow even tighter. If she had a fraction of her strength, it surely would’ve burst in an explosion of feathers by now.

“But two days ago you were drugged out of your mind and the way you looked at me… a version of me you apparently concocted in your own head,” a sharp breath, and then Lena pinned her in place with suddenly red-rimmed eyes. “I can’t reconcile it. At first, it was easy. You never truly cared about me; you were never my friend. It hurt, it hurt so _badly,_ but I could understand it. Then you went and got hurt and when I walked in… I saw you. I saw you _see_ me. You can’t fake that, Kara. And now it’s like I’m lost all over again because if you really did care about me then how could you do that to me?”

Kara gaped at her for a long moment, lips parted as she tried her coax the words stuck in the back of her throat forward. “I—I didn’t… I didn’t want to lose you…” _I love you._

Lena scoffed, wiping angrily at her damp cheeks as she leveled Kara with a chilling glare. A warning. “Bullshit. That’s not all it was, and you know it. Last chance, Kara. Why?”

Her lips wouldn’t move. Words got stuck in her throat again and Kara choked on them, gasping desperately as Lena’s gaze cooled and hardened simultaneously, her businesswoman mask slipping on easily as she stood up and—

“I’m in love with you!” The words finally forced themselves out and Kara felt herself freeze because _Rao,_ that is not what she’d meant to say. Not at all. Lena’s expression had gone from cool and collected to absolutely blank in less than a second, so Kara looked down at the pillow clutched tightly against her ribs and finally gave Lena exactly what she’d asked for. Finally allowed herself to be completely honest, even if neither of them were ready for it. “I’m in love with you. And I didn’t even—not until I had a dream after you... And then I started drinking and seeing you, this Dream Lena, and I’m not proud of it. Of how I handled—but that’s when I realized why I hadn’t told you. Because I… it was my worst nightmare, Lena. Losing my whole world, for a second time.”

Silence. Kara forced her breathing to stay even, forced her eyes to stay down. Lena hadn’t made a sound and that was fine, it was _fine_ because it meant that she hadn’t walked out, hadn’t left for good and taken Kara’s heart with—

There was less than a second between Kara’s internal freak out and the rapid clicking of Lena’s heels as she covered the distance between them in quick, decisive steps. Less than a second for Kara’s lips to form Lena’s name in question, less than a second before Lena’s lips were pressed swiftly to hers. A startled mix of a gasp and a moan escaped from Kara’s throat, but Lena didn’t falter, didn’t hesitate to slide her fingers up the nape of Kara’s neck and tangle them there, to slip her tongue into Kara’s mouth and—

Something inside of her snapped. A pressure valve exploded. Their tongues met in a wet tangle and Kara pressed forward blindly, pinning Lena against the wall. A soft growl escaped from the other woman and Kara faltered briefly, but long enough for Lena to pull away and switch their positions roughly. Green eyes studied her intently, carefully, and Kara swallowed thickly under the scrutiny.

“I'm still angry,” Lena whispered. Her voice had lost most of its venom, but the sheer amount of hurt in it made Kara’s throat close up, made her chest _ache_. “I’m still so angry, Kara. But I—love you, too.” The laugh that escaped Lena wasn’t the warm one Kara was used to, the bright and melodic one that she had found herself starving to hear on more than one occasion. It was deeper, a bit darker, spilling like broken glass over red lips. “Fuck me, but I do. I love you. That’s why this hurts so badly.”

Kara let her eyes flutter closed, let the full force of those words slam into her and leave her absolutely breathless. _Euphoric_. And then she opened them and met Lena’s guarded gaze. “I messed up, Lena. So, so much. But if you—” a soft, shaky exhale and then pale fingers entwined with her own, giving them a slight squeeze. Encouragement. “I have no right to ask anything of you, I know that but… but if—”

“I need some time,” Lena cut in, gently. The words hit like a whip, scalding and searing, before Lena soothed their burn with another soft kiss. “I love you Kara, and I want…” her voice trailed off, but there was a muted smile on her lips. “I want a future. With you. But I need to, I have so much to work through first. So much I have to unpack.” Two tears trekked down the gentle curve of her cheek, and Kara wiped them away reverently, pressing her lips against their tracks. “We have so much to talk about… so much I need to tell you…”

“Someday,” Kara finished, smiling sadly.

“Someday,” Lena breathed, tucking her face against Kara’s neck for a few blissful minutes before taking a deliberate step backwards. “For now though… I hear Noonan’s is delivering?”

Kara beamed, tucking her hands behind her back to keep herself from reaching for Lena again. She could wait, she could be patient. Their promised _someday_ was all the incentive she needed. More than enough. “That sounds great, Lena.” Green eyes brightened considerably, too high heels clacking against her floor as Lena’s voice filtered back, ordering their usual without any hesitation or deliberation, pinning her phone against her ear as she twirled a pen deftly between her fingers. With the setting sun as a backdrop, every inch of her was bathed in a fading golden light, and Kara felt her breath catch in her chest, a soft hiccup of emotion before she exhaled slowly and met Lena’s hesitant smile with one of her own.

Someday.

**Author's Note:**

> You guys those last few times really got away from me lol


End file.
